Gen Z: Fancy a croissant for breakfast?
Boomer: Go on, then. There鈥檚 a Tesco Finest pack in the bread bin.
Be real. I鈥檓 nipping to Baaria on Charing Cross Road to buy them fresh.
Nipping? It鈥檚 a 15km round trip.
I鈥檒l run there, grab two of the 拢5.45 pistachio croissants and be back in no time.
Are they made by a Michelin-starred chef?
Baaria was recommended by influencer Emma Pudge in one of her 鈥楤un Run鈥 series.
To me, 鈥楤un Run鈥 means nipping to the corner shop in my dressing gown.
It鈥檚 where Pudge shares a running route with her 23,000 Instagram followers, which ends at a specific must-try bakery.
Does jogging 100 yards down the road and getting a Greggs jam doughnut count?
Greggs? Please! That鈥檚 for Boomers and builders.
I鈥檓 not sure someone with 鈥榙igital vibe curator鈥 on their CV is qualified to make vocation-based judgments.
I鈥檝e told you, a brand鈥檚 social-media aura matters. Anyway, even The Telegraph says hipster bakeries are the new Gen Z hotspots.
Where you eat your pastry barefoot in a shared community space while a man with a nose ring plays the bongos?
[Eyeroll] The coolest ones are on The Good Food Guide鈥檚 list of Britain鈥檚 50 best bakeries, which has become a bible for pastry lovers.
All 50 must be in East London 鈥 the only place pretentious enough for someone to spend a tenner on an 鈥榓rtisan鈥 eclair.
They鈥檙e actually as far flung as Glasgow. The Guardian says it鈥檚 creating a whole new travel trend called 鈥榖akery tourism鈥.
In my day, bakery tourism meant strolling down the bread aisle in the Co-op.
One Gen Zer told the paper he鈥檇 completed a 14-day trek and two ferry hops to reach The Bakehouse in remote Mallaig on the west coast of Scotland.
What鈥檚 on the menu: a cream slice infused with haggis and Irn-Bru?
That鈥檚 actually xenophobic. The fishing village is famous for its hazelnut praline pain suisse.
Sounds weirdly French. Anyway, what happened to your generation being skint?
According to trade mag British Baker, 80 per cent of us Gen Zers believe a daily sweet treat is important for mental health.
More essential than, say, a roof over their heads or a healthy savings account?
鈥業 am held hostage by my need for a daily sweet treat,鈥 one wrote on X. Another said: 鈥楢 mid-afternoon sweet treat might actually save my life.鈥
So now we鈥檙e supposed to be prescribing viennoiseries to you lot on the NHS?
It鈥檚 called self-care. You wouldn鈥檛 get it.
It鈥檚 exactly how I feel about my 4pm Hobnob and cuppa. It just doesn鈥檛 cost 拢8 or require a ten-mile trek across London.
Bloomsbury鈥檚 Fortitude Bakehouse is only down the road, with its delish 拢4.50 pistachio choux buns.
Apparently, there鈥檚 a 90-minute queue outside after Parkrun on Saturday morning.
It鈥檚 very popular with tourists.
It鈥檚 a cult with icing sugar! A cake and a latte there costs nearly a tenner.
It鈥檚 even pricier if you drink oat milk.
What鈥檚 the point of ordering oat milk when the pastries have enough dairy to milk an entire farm dry?
It鈥檚 eco-friendly, duh.
Just like the fuel burned during that 180-mile pilgrimage to the bakery in outer Scotland.
Influencer Toby Inskip, better known as Eating With Tod, told his 1.9 million Instagram followers Fortitude鈥檚 拢4.50 nutty cr猫me bun has 鈥榗ustody of my soul鈥.
Sounds nutty himself. Either that or the bakery has paid him.
He鈥檇 have to tag his post as an ad.
#PuffPiece.