Is It OK To Give A Sex Toy As A Gift?

By Caroline Bologna

A sex toy can be an exciting and confidence-boosting gift to buy for yourself.

But is such an intimate item ever an appropriate thing to give as a gift to someone else, particularly if you don’t have a sexual or romantic relationship with them?

According to sexologists and relationship experts, the answer is… it depends.

Who should you give a sex toy to?

“Gifting a sex toy to a friend can be a fun, empowering gesture – but context and consent matter,” said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institute.

“It’s usually appropriate when you have the kind of relationship where sex and pleasure are openly discussed, and you’re confident they’d receive it in the spirit it’s intended: playful, supportive, or celebratory.”

She recommended considering their sense of humour, comfort level and any cultural or religious beliefs that might influence their response to such a gift.

“Are they someone who celebrates their sensuality? Do they feel safe exploring? Trust your intuition, and always come from a place of love and respect,” said relationship therapist and sexologist Joy Berkheimer. “The goal of the gift should be to uplift, not to pry or push boundaries.”

Think about the closeness of your relationship as well.

“If your friendship is open, playful, and you’ve talked about sex before, then you probably have a green light, and a pleasure toy can be a great gift,” said Sadie Allison, a sexologist, author and founder of sex toy retailer TickleKitty.

“‘Giving the gift of pleasure’ is thoughtful and unique, and you’re almost always guaranteed a big smile out of it.”

Avoiding the awkward – and keeping it classy

Allison suggested giving your friend a sex toy as a gift for their bachelorette party or birthday – or as a self-love boost, perhaps after a breakup. As for specific products, consider if they’re more reserved or new to sex toys.

“In those cases, keep it subtle and pick a beginner-friendly product,” she said, recommending “a rechargeable bullet vibe that’s small and not intimidating” or pleasure lubricant.

“Have they expressed curiosity about toys or pleasure products?” Needle said. “If you’re unsure, err on the side of caution or opt for a gift card to a reputable sexual wellness store, which gives them the autonomy to choose.”

She emphasised that presentation is everything when it comes to giving such an intimate gift.

“Keep it classy, light-hearted, and respectful,” Needle advised. “Avoid public gifting unless you’re 100% sure they’ll love the attention.”

In larger group situations like a party, ask yourself whether your friend would be OK opening this gift in front of the other guests present.

“If you feel it may be awkward, give it to them on the side and let them know there’s something ‘frisky’ inside as a heads-up,” Allison said.

You don’t need to go overboard with the gift wrapping, either. “Wrap it like you would any other thoughtful gift – no gag wrapping unless that’s clearly your shared vibe,” Needle said.

She also suggested including a little note with the gift, sharing why you thought of it for them – “because everyone deserves some self-love” or “you don’t need them” after a break-up.

“Try something like, ‘I saw this and thought of you, hope it adds a little spark and joy to your journey,’” Berkheimer said. “Keep it simple, genuine, and free of shame or judgment.”

If you think they’ll be surprised by the gift, a little card can provide some context and reassurance.

“If you’re nervous, pairing it with a more traditional item ― like bath products or a wellness-themed gift basket ― can soften the edges while still making a statement,” Needle said.

When it’s not a good idea to give sex toys

As noted, consent and context are incredibly important. Although times have changed and sex toys are less stigmatised, this kind of gift could cross boundaries, cause discomfort or even be considered harassment under the wrong circumstances.

If you don’t know this person very well and have never discussed intimacy or pleasure, you probably aren’t in the type of relationship where this would be an appropriate gift. If you’re on the fence, you could ask to gauge how they’d feel about that kind of present, but be respectful of the answer.

For someone with whom you have a professional relationship where specific power dynamics are at play, this kind of gift would also probably be a no-no.

Clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach Lori Beth Bisbey believes gifting a sex toy to a platonic friend can feel easy and uncomplicated if it’s someone you talk with about partners and sex. But advises to be mindful of situations where you have a different motive, though.

“If there is a flirtation between you, you need to be more careful about gifting a sex toy,” she said. “You need to be clear with yourself as to why you are giving this toy and what message you are trying to send. I would suggest thinking twice if the friend doesn’t know you have an interest in them.”

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