DEAR ABBY: When my ex-wife died recently, she left our two children (in their 20s and 30s) a home that was in her name.
My son has a good job; my daughter works periodically as a model. Losing her devastated both of them.
The home she left them is not only in bad shape but also needs repairs and zoning and permitting updates.
I earn a good living and recently won a personal injury lawsuit. I have been helping my kids by supporting them over the past few months because their emotional loss has taken them out of commission for a while. I have contributed tens of thousands of dollars toward their home, as well as helping out with rent and living expenses.
My girlfriend, who I have lived with for many years, has now gone ballistic, screaming at me for spending what should be 鈥渙ur future retirement money鈥 on them.
She condemns me for supporting them, not making them 鈥渕ake it on their own,鈥 and asks 鈥渉ow dare I think of them and not 鈥榰s.’鈥
She and my kids have never gotten along. She has always been resentful and angry about any attention I give them and has accused me of 鈥渟poiling鈥 them when I have helped in the past.
I am furious that my girlfriend, who has never had children, can鈥檛 understand my desire to help. I feel it鈥檚 my moral obligation as their dad to be there for them, and I鈥檓 fortunate that I can do it.
Isn鈥檛 it the right thing to do as a parent to help as much as possible? Is my girlfriend out of line?
This has damaged our relationship, and I鈥檓 concerned it may be completely off the rails.
鈥 GOOD GUY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GOOD GUY: I don鈥檛 know the intimate details of your financial situation, the relationship you have with your companion or to what degree your generosity may impact your future. Of course it鈥檚 natural for loving parents to want to help their children. But tens of thousands of dollars is a lot of money.
Because of the emotions involved, the logical choice for advice on this subject would be your CPA and your attorney.
DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend (attorney) who is married to a dermatologist. Nearly every time this friend interacts with a medical provider, he is dissatisfied and feels he is being ripped off.
He attests that doctors order unnecessary tests and deliberately overcharge. He does this vociferously and repeatedly.
I鈥檓 a retired medical professional and consumer of health services myself, so I am certainly aware that many parts of our health care system are a mess.
I do not know how to stop his rants. I try to change the subject, but nearly every conversation is the same.
鈥 TIRED OF LISTENING
DEAR TIRED: You are not a hostage. The next time this friend raises the subject, tell him you have heard his complaints, there is nothing you can do about them, you would prefer to discuss something positive when you鈥檙e together and change the subject.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.