By Caroline West
Q: My partner lost his job almost a year ago and hasn’t found a new one since. It’s put a lot of pressure on us, and I’m really feeling it lately. We don’t live together, as I live on my own and he lives back at his family home since he lost his job. He has often hinted that he wants to move in with me, but I am hesitant. I’ve lived on my own for a few years, and I’m hoping to get a mortgage on my own in a couple of years. I am very career driven, so it does irk me that he is unemployed for so long; I think I would go mad without a job and routine. We have been together for a couple of years and have had some of the big talks about the future, but I feel like all that is on pause until he gets back on his feet. I’m in my late 30s and I feel like I want to settle down in the next couple of years, but I genuinely don’t know if this is the man for me or if I am clouded by his current situation. How do I figure this out?
Dr West replies: Financial issues are one of the top complaints that couples have. Our attitudes to money can vary widely, and often a 50/50 split is attempted but fails in real life. If a couple has different incomes, a 50/50 split might not work as it can put pressure on both to spend money that’s easier for one person than the other, and resentment begins to breed.