AIBU For Not Packing My Teens’ And Husband’s Suitcases For Holiday?

By Natasha Hinde

A parent has sparked debate for refusing to pack her husband and teenagers’ suitcases in a moment of protest against the mental load.

Taking to Mumsnet, the parent said the family were going on a UK staycation and she was the only one packed the night before they were set to leave.

“DH [dear husband] and two older teens have done nothing. They barely seem to have registered that we are going tomorrow,” she said, adding they’d need to leave at 8am.

The defiant parent noted there won’t be any clothes shops near to where they’re staying as it’s fairly remote and then asked: “AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to just leave them to it”?

There were two main camps

The comments section was divided between those who thought she was in the right and should leave them to it in order to help them learn how to be more independent, and those who wanted her to just “get it sorted now” to avoid any stress and drama the next day.

One commenter recommended giving her family “one warning now that you are not packing for them and there will be no clothes shops” and then “leave them to it”.

Another said to also make it very clear that they’re leaving at 8am “regardless of if they’ve finished packing” – some even suggested getting in the car and driving off if the rest of the family weren’t ready by that time.

“You are not the household project manager. If they are able bodied and old enough (which it sounds like they are) then they have to deal with consequences,” said one respondent. “Harsh but fair and I bet they won’t make that mistake again.”

But there were also quite a few commenters who thought OP (original poster) was going to cause herself even more stress by taking a stand.

In response to a comment that simply said, “Just get it sorted now or tomorrow will start with drama,” another Mumsnet user said: “The only person getting stressed now is you. The holiday will be spoiled for everyone if they don’t have their stuff. You will never get away at 8am.

“I wouldn’t do it for them but I would yell at everyone to get packed tonight.”

The mental load is alive and well

The post also encouraged other parents to share their gripes about carrying the weight of responsibility when trying to get their families out of the door for trips. Anyone who’s booked, organised and packed for a holiday with kids will know exactly how much work goes into it.

“I will guarantee that during the holiday, someone (not you) will ask: ‘Have we brought any painkillers/plasters/shampoo/cards’,” said one commenter.

Another said: “This is my family and they do my head in! I’m always packed the day before. DH [dear husband] and DS [dear son] say casually, ‘Oh yeah, I’ll do it when I get up. It’ll only take 5 minutes’ and then they always fanny about the next day, whilst I’m getting wound up and we end up leaving about an hour later than I wanted to … It matters. And if they’d packed the night before we could have got up, had a leisurely breakfast and left on time with no stress or arguments.”

One parent revealed their mum “always” packs their dad’s bag. “One year, she forgot his blood pressure medication. It’s been 17 years and he still brings it up,” they said. “I decided to learn from her mistakes and never, ever, ever get involved in packing for DH [dear husband].

“The teens one is tricky as if they’re disorganised, it could ruin the start to the holiday. I’d offer some help,” they added.

Later on in the post, OP shared that her sons had finally begun to pack after she discovered her husband had “apparently” told them they weren’t leaving until lunchtime.

“Both kids are now sorting their stuff out, including finding bags, rucksacks, phone chargers, headphones etc,” she said. “DH [dear husband] is still playing a computer game. I reminded him again, but that’s the last time.”

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