By Brigitte Murphy Kristy Reading
Emelia Rixon didn’t know what she was signing up for when she agreed to accept power of attorney and enduring guardianship for her parents over a decade ago.
Fast forward 14 years, and the Tamworth woman has found herself in the “sandwich generation” — caring for her two children as well as her parents who live 400 kilometres away in Sydney.
“I said I’d do this, but I actually [didn’t] know what the job was,” Ms Rixon said.
For the past eight years, her father Kevin has cared for his wife Margaret, but in recent years the role has fallen more and more on their daughter.
“[Mum] has been in dementia care for nearly three years now, and that’s been probably a seven to eight-year journey,” Ms Rixon said.
Last year, her father fell ill and needed a valve replacement in his heart.
The operation didn’t go as planned, with rare complications causing issues with his kidneys.
“He’s now on dialysis three times a week for five hours at a time,” she said.
“We’re in a situation where we’ve just moved [him] into independent living, but … he might need more supported aged care.”
Managing the juggle
Ms Rixon said she was juggling caring for her parents, as well as co-parenting her two teenage children.
“They can navigate the world pretty much for themselves on the day-to-day, but they still need their mum,” she said.
With her parents based so far away, Ms Rixon said she has had to give up a lot of time with her own children to care for her parents.
“We’ve been very frank about what’s happening to Grandma and Poppy with the children,” she said.
Ms Rixon said that despite her older sister helping to provide care, she had inadvertently become the “team captain”.
“It’s tricky … I feel like I have to be the boss,” she said.
“There’s a little bit of pressure there, and it’s the old adage: it’s lonely at the top.”
‘A weighty job’
Ms Rixon said it was important for people to remember they were not invincible and that caring for loved ones was hard work.
“It’s a big hard job and it’s a really weighty job,” she said.
“A few years ago [I got some advice] to ‘stop watering dead plants’.
“If it’s an aged care provider, community transport person, or somebody who delivers meals, if they’re not getting back to you or you don’t like the product, move on, don’t waste your energy there.”
Ms Rixon said she had learned it was important for carers to lean on support systems.
“You can’t do it all, especially from a distance,” she said.
“I think we have to lean on the health services and expect a little bit more from them.
“They are absolutely stretched to the max, but unless we keep putting pressure on the decision-makers … to make sure that those guys are supported, people are going to continue to slip through.”
Ms Rixon said while it had been challenging, her love for her family kept her going.