By Bosede Ola-Samuel
Communication is key to every relationship. It鈥檚 one way of servicing relationships. When the communication link is cut, the relationship gets endangered. Through communication, you reach out to your spouse about your likes and dislikes. When it鈥檚 cut off, it makes the survival of the relationship difficult. It鈥檚 assumed that someone else is taking your space.
When communication is lost, the redemption of the relationship is gone. That鈥檚 why you see a spouse running away from his or her partner. It鈥檚 the easiest way of saying, 鈥淚鈥檓 done with you in this relationship.鈥
Communication involves speech, body language, giving attitude to your spouse, writing letters or sending messages, and eye contact.
What you communicate about
*Your hurts. Don鈥檛 die in silence. Don鈥檛 make it difficult for your spouse to speak his or her mind to you on all issues. Nothing should be a 鈥渘o-go area鈥 of discussion for you or your spouse in the marriage.
Some people keep quiet about what they are going through in their marriage, instead of talking to their spouses about it. They don鈥檛 want to be misunderstood by them or offend them. This is wrong and should be jettisoned by all means.
*Your sex life. My husband and I once held a conference during which a couple married for over forty years said they had never discussed sex in their marriage. They just rolled by with whatever their experiences were in bed. This is wrong. You should communicate your likes and dislikes about sex to your spouse. Don鈥檛 just struggle in silence about your sexual feelings. You should let your spouse know if you鈥檙e satisfied in bed or not. Doing so helps you to enjoy a great sex life in your marriage.
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*Your health status. We lost a senior friend last year to cancer, and it was shocking to know that his wife never got to know about his ill health until it was too late. Couples should not hide their health status from one another. It speaks volumes about your trust and care for each other when you confide in your spouse about your health status. Men are more prone to hiding their health status in the name of being a 鈥渞eal man鈥 in marriage. A man is not easily broken, kind of a thing. This is only being egoistic in attitude.
*Finance. A man died, and his wife never knew even his phone codes, such that the family couldn鈥檛 access his financial information. Some people are neck-deep in debt, and their spouses don鈥檛 know about it. Many properties, bank accounts, and investments are wasting away because their spouses don鈥檛 have the information about them. This is not good at all. Keeping such secrets from your spouse is not communicating love and trust to him or her. It makes them feel unloved in the marriage.
*Your temptations. You should communicate your temptations to your spouse. This will strengthen your relationship. I also know that there are spouses who could feel threatened by such, but it鈥檚 still right to share such information with him or her with wisdom. I have people who contact me through the intimacy column for a relationship. I turn them down and bring it to my husband鈥檚 attention. He doesn鈥檛 feel threatened but makes us be watchful and never lower our guard to protect each other.
* Your dreams and visions. There should be no ambiguity about what you are engaged in or want to do in the future, with your spouse. It should be well spelt out so that both of you can work together for it. It鈥檚 essential if you want to have his or her maximum support for it.
Threats to the communication link
Usually, spouses find it difficult to communicate with each other for a few reasons. Some are cowed into silence by a few attitudes of their partners. This should be looked into if the marriage will not break down.
*I don鈥檛 care attitude. When your spouse鈥檚 complaints are not attended to you are going to get him or her to close up, thus ruining the communication link between you. With time, you will lose that link. You should care about whatever issues he or she raises with you and address them.
*Taking issues discussed for granted. That is, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e hurting me鈥, yet you keep at it. Don鈥檛 explain issues away when raised. Don鈥檛 take it for granted that he or she can鈥檛 do anything about it. You may be leading him or her into withdrawal mode.
*Constantly postponing discussions. I鈥檓 in the middle of something now. We can discuss it later today. I鈥檓 tired, honey, let鈥檚 do it tomorrow.
*Lack of a listening ear. You only issue a command, without being ready to hear your spouse out.
*Threatening comments. Comments like 鈥淚 will deal with you鈥, 鈥渄on鈥檛 ever raise that issue with me again鈥, 鈥淵ou can opt-out if you can鈥檛 cope with me鈥, etc., are things you do to put your marital communication in jeopardy.
*Know-it-all attitude. When you constantly present a picture of knowing everything, you will cause your spouse to stop talking to you on so many issues. Stop giving him or her the impression that you don鈥檛 need contributions or advice from him or her.
*Shutting down your spouse. Anytime he or she raises an issue with you, you just get angry and shout at him or her. It鈥檚 like you hate hearing his or her voice. It could be that your mind is made up on the issues involved, so you don鈥檛 want to hear anything from him or her that will make you change your mind. No room for a second opinion. Hence, the shutdown posture.
You have to take action before it is too late when the communication link is being cut off.
Signs that the communication link is fast being lost are being moody, monosyllable responses, ignoring your comments, etc.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books 鈥楨njoying Great Sex Life鈥 and 鈥楬ow To Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex鈥. Please contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.