By Coleen Nolan
Dear Coleen A couple of months ago, prompted by the fact that my husband is very secretive around his devices, I went through his computer and discovered he鈥檇 not only been watching porn, but was also engaging in sex chats with strangers online. Naturally, I was shocked and very upset, but haven鈥檛 said anything to him yet 鈥 it鈥檚 not an easy thing to bring up. It鈥檚 eating away at me, though, and makes me feel like our relationship is a total sham . I feel betrayed and like I鈥檓 not enough for him any more. On the other side of things, he鈥檚 a good provider, a very good dad and he鈥檚 caring and loving towards me, but I can鈥檛 forget what I鈥檝e seen or how it鈥檚 made me feel about him and about us going forward. Honestly, I feel like I don鈥檛 even know him. I suppose my question is, can I turn a blind eye to this -behaviour and, if I do, could the next step be that he鈥檒l go on to have sex with other women? I have no evidence that he鈥檚 ever done that before. I feel like this discovery has shattered everything. We鈥檝e been together for eight years and have two young children . Coleen says I think you absolutely need to address it with him. You can鈥檛 鈥渦nsee鈥 it and your feelings about it aren鈥檛 going to magically go away. Whatever way you look at it, talking with other women like this is extremely hurtful , even if nothing physical has happened. He might try to defend himself by saying he hasn鈥檛 done anything, well, yes, he has. Also, don鈥檛 let him throw back at you that you shouldn鈥檛 have been snooping through his internet history. If he had nothing to hide, it wouldn鈥檛 matter. The fact is, he knows these chats are crossing a line and he knows you鈥檇 be upset and angry. It obviously poses a bigger question for your relationship and that鈥檚 what you need to get into. Why is he feeling the need to do it? I鈥檓 guessing you don鈥檛 want to confront him as you鈥檙e scared of what it鈥檒l mean for your relationship, but keeping it to yourself and letting it eat away at you also has an impact . Of course it鈥檚 not easy to have a conversation like this, but you deserve answers, so you can make a decision about what you want moving forward. Good luck.