By Ben Mathis-Lilley
Care and Feeding is Slate鈥檚 parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
Our house sits on a heavily wooded hill, and there isn鈥檛 much in terms of street lights鈥攁nd no sidewalks. Though there are only a few houses on our bend of the road, we get people speeding through. We have new neighbors. The mother鈥檚 behavior is going to end in tragedy.
The neighbors have several very small children. The mom, for some unholy reason, thinks nothing of letting them bike in the street. She lets her babies ride around well ahead of her as she strolls leisurely several yards behind. I wouldn鈥檛 have believed it if I hadn鈥檛 seen it myself.
My husband has already had a close call with one of the kids. He was backing out and the toddler zoomed right behind the bumper. Luckily, my husband was paying attention and was fast to put his foot on the brake. Even going as slow as he was, just a few miles per hour, it would have been a tragedy if he hadn鈥檛 been alert.
The mother鈥檚 reaction was to lay into my husband for not being careful enough! The kicker is that she said her kids have a right to play in the street. (There is a park five blocks away, but that is too far for her to go, apparently.) My husband said it was a bad conversation.
What do we do here? It would haunt me if one of these kids got hit because their mother was too lazy to care.
鈥擝lind Corner
Dear Blind,
Well, not only has this neighbor of yours created a dangerous situation, she鈥檚 preemptively precluded me from giving the advice I wanted to give. I was going to suggest that you look for an opportunity to 鈥渁ccidentally鈥 discover her kids being reckless so you could loudly tell them to be careful because you were sure their mom wouldn鈥檛 want them to get hurt!
Unfortunately, since a non-staged version of this has already happened, and your neighbor鈥檚 reaction was to get all indignant and annoying with your husband, I think this ship has sailed. You don鈥檛 have the plausible deniability required to pull off such a passive-aggressive act anymore, and I don鈥檛 have any confidence that she鈥檇 be moved by it!
I鈥檓 not sure you have any direct courses of action. Short of egregious negligence, what people let their kids do is their business, and if she鈥檚 at least near her children while they鈥檙e in the street, I鈥檓 not sure this warrants a call to the police or protective services. But there are some things you could try. You could put up a 鈥渒ids playing鈥 sign in your own yard, if you have kids, and you can continue to drive carefully and slowly yourselves. It does also seem like the kind of issue you could raise inauspiciously with other neighbors if you know them well enough; maybe someone else expressing concern to her in a situation other than a near-accident would be the right kind of nudge. Another constructive idea: Look for a pedestrian/cyclist or safe streets advocacy group in your area that you could get involved with. It sounds like the area could maybe use sidewalks鈥攐r curb extensions or speed bumps to slow traffic.
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