By Jane O’gorman
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published. I’m being pursued by my mate’s 21-year old son. He says he’s obsessed with me and wants us to be together. He rings and texts 30 times a day. He comes round here, and we kiss, grope and bonk like teens. He says he has no interest in girls of his age; he’s dated loads and finds them vacuous and vain. He much prefers me because I’m experienced and bolshy. He loves the way I stick up for myself in shops and bars and don’t take any rubbish from anyone. He’s thrilled by my (extensive) sexual history. I was something of a naughty girl back in the day. I had loads of rude sex in grubby places with a very wide selection of men. He loves me to tell him about the time I joined the ‘mile high club’ with a stranger I met on a plane flying to Los Angeles. He and I shagged and screamed while exasperated passengers and airline staff banged on the door. Eventually we had to do the ‘walk of shame’ back to our seats while people slow clapped and hissed! My knickers were stuck to the sole of my shoe and an older woman branded me ‘disgusting’. It was hilarious. My young guy loves that story. We act it out laughing and giggling until tears roll down our faces. He’s my passionate stranger and I’m naughty old me. We have a real connection. The only problem is that his mum (my mate) is extremely protective. Her other son (28) has just announced that he and his wife are having a baby. I’m a mature woman and there’s no way that I want a baby at my age and I very much doubt if she’d want me as a perimenopausal daughter-in-law either. This is tricky. JANE SAYS: There’s no denying that many age-gap relationships do work, but this one is far too close to home for my liking. Your friend (his mum) trusts and likes you. Does she even know that her son is spending so much time in your home and in your arms? Are you guilty of keeping secrets from her? She’ll be devastated. Admittedly he is 21 years of age and, in the eyes of the law a fully grown adult, but he’s her vulnerable son. He’s still under her protection and she still cares for and worries about him. How would you feel if you discovered that a young relative of yours was having sex with a much older individual? Clearly this young chap comes to you because he trusts you and you give him sanctuary. Do you also give him food, booze and money too? He is entertained by your stories and relies on you for emotional support, but he must be out of bounds. He’s keen on you now but there’s every chance that he’ll make plans, meet new people and move on in his own time. He’s a young lad – he has his whole life in front of him. What of your future? You also need to protect yourself from hurt and humiliation. Consider how you might feel if he up sticks and goes off with someone else at the drop of a hat. If you’re lonely and sexually frustrated, then find a man who is completely independent of your friends. Of all the potential partners in this world, you cannot pick this one. I was recently targeted by someone I considered a friend. He broke into my home and now my confidence is in tatters. I don’t feel like going out. The burglary was particularly painful because the intruder deliberately left such a mess. My home was desecrated by a jealous ex-friend who I once invited in for meals. I was away on holiday, and he maliciously took all the things he knows that I cherish and treasure. I went straight round and got them all back and he laughed in my face. How am I supposed to carry on? JANE SAYS: Have you reported this incident to the police? I think you should. It’s also important that you draw strength from family members because you shouldn’t be struggling on your own. There’s no shame in admitting that you’ve been targeted. How were you to know what jealousy and vindictiveness lurked within your thieving neighbour? This horrible man isn’t typical of everyone and if you hide away now, then he will have won. See your GP regarding your mental health. Getting out for a brisk walk every day will lift your mood and restore your peace of mind. Maybe you could get an old friend to accompany you while you claw your confidence back. Accept help from those around you don’t blame yourself for simply being a decent person. My late mother-in-law had a vicious tongue. She was mean, foul-mouthed and unwelcoming. She didn’t have a kind word to say about anyone – especially me, whom she loathed. Therefore, I can’t forgive my father-in-law (her husband) for rewriting history. Suddenly he’s talking about her like she was living saint. Rubbish! I recently referred to the horrendous rows they used to have; they were loud and theatrical, and all the family used to laugh about them. But he cut me off with a withering put-down and now he’s no longer talking to me. How can he expect me to simply play along? JANE SAYS: Who knows what goes on behind closed doors? Maybe your father-in-law loved his late wife warts-and-all? It can’t have been easy for him to live with a difficult spouse. I suspect he didn’t find those rows easy to deal with and resented being a subject of family ridicule. Perhaps he and his late wife did have a volatile relationship but that’s not to say he didn’t respect her. Don’t forget that he is grieving and is probably feeling lonely, confused and bereft. I suggest you apologise for bringing this up and ask if you can be friends again. I’m still giving my 35-year-old son money. He has a job but can’t cope on his salary. Now he’s talking about moving back home again with his girlfriend in tow. Whenever he’s here, he expects me to do everything for him. He never washes a plate or contributes towards a bill. Yet if I dare to call him out, he lets rip. Help. JANE SAYS: You’ve done your bit. Your son needs to start standing on his own feet. He (and the girlfriend) will carry on leeching off you for as long as you allow it. At what point is he going to grow up? What is he spending his salary on? What about setting a budget or getting a second job? Stand your ground, say ‘no’ and don’t let him bully you.