Mistakes don’t matter nearly as much as how they’re handled in the aftermath. Does your partner own up to their faults and try to make things right? Or do they dodge responsibility, get defensive, and turn the blame onto you?
Research on conflict repair teaches us that even the smallest gestures — acknowledging a mistake, offering a sincere apology, or even using humor — can stop an argument from spiraling. But when accountability is absent, you’ll eventually start questioning whether you can trust each other at all.
If your partner never takes ownership, or if they consistently make you feel like the “difficult” one for bringing up a concern, it might be time to regroup and reconsider what’s keeping you invested. Honesty, humility, and a genuine desire to do better should be a bilateral norm in a relationship.
Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.
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