A man is turning to the internet for advice after his wife asked for an anniversary gift that was more expensive than her engagement ring.
In a post shared to Reddit’s “Am I Overreacting” forum in May, a man opened up about his shocked reaction to his wife’s request for a 10-year wedding anniversary gift that had a price tag of over $14,000.
“For our upcoming 10th anniversary, she has told me she expects a gift with a budget of around $14,000, possibly more,” the Redditor writes of his wife, a stay-at-home mom. “She brought up the fact that I spent $14,000 on her engagement ring 10 years ago and believes that for our 10th anniversary, the gift should be more significant/expensive than that.”
Sharing some details about the couple’s living expenses, the man revealed that he has a salary of $180,000 per year and pays for two of their three children to attend a private school for $2,000 per month. He also wrote that he buys lots of quality products for their family of five, including organic groceries, “the best” kids’ clothes, furniture, decor, as well as their cars, vacations and their home, which is “fully paid off.”
“I genuinely don’t think my family has ever felt like they lack anything financially,” he wrote.
But according to the Redditor, his wife has always had a “strong preference” for very high-end, designer brand items, including purses, shoes and jewelry.
“Since the beginning of our marriage, gift-giving for my wife has been challenging,” he said. “… I always feel that if I don’t get her something with a prominent brand name, she doesn’t genuinely like it, regardless of the thought or quality.”
“This difference – her love for high-end brands and me being the opposite … has been a significant point of contention and we’ve had fights about it over the years. She also tends to buy me expensive, brand-name gifts that I don’t particularly want or need,” he added. “… While I want to make our 10th anniversary special and get her a wonderful gift, her expectation for a $14k+ gift makes me uncomfortable for several reasons.”
The social media user then goes on to cite several issues he has with spending nearly $15,000 on one gift — including fears that they might need a large lump sum of cash in the future for more important expenses, as well as concerns that his wife values name brands over romantic sentiments.
“The idea that anniversary gifts should continually escalate in price from the engagement ring seems unsustainable and adds a lot of pressure,” he added. “I suggested a still very generous budget (in my mind, a few thousand dollars) that would allow for a beautiful luxury gift or an amazing experience, but the $14k+ figure tied to being ‘more than the engagement ring’ is where she’s focused.”
Turning his question over to the Reddit community, he wrote that he feels his wife’s request is “unreasonable.”
“[Is] this a normal expectation for a 10-year anniversary, especially given the engagement ring cost and our (outwardly comfortable) financial situation?” he questioned, asking for the community — and particularly other women — to share their opinions.
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The social media community quickly took the Redditor’s side, and many commenters wrote that he needed to have a serious conversation with his wife about what is and isn’t a reasonable gift, considering his budget.
“[Does] she love you, or the lifestyle you provide for her?” one reply read. “I would try individual counseling to figure out if I felt used, because that is the type of transactional gift escalation can build resentment over time.”
“[It] sounds like you are doing a great job managing your finances to provide for your family. But this deserves a difficult, sit-down conversation with your wife about a budget, target expenditure, and realistic differences in what an ‘acceptable’ gift price is,” the comment continued.
Others agreed, arguing that the man’s wife was placing too much value on material objects.
“You are not overreacting. Your wife is not appreciating all the good things you are doing for your family. A gift based on an exorbitant item is ridiculous If she valued her home & family & especially her marriage to you, she would not even say this,” another reply stated. “… Your wife needs to grow up. Just because something has a high brand name does not make it better — just more expensive.”